Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
