So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
