I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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