sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
