and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She bit a glass in half.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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