Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
