You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
