Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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