this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
