Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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