only you would photoshop your dick
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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