hotel room ftw
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
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