Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
