i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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