Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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