I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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