from now on my penis is your penis
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
