he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
