Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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