So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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