Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
