i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
