Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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