I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
