You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
