Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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