I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
