she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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