saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
