Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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