nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
