I accidentally had phone sex last night
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize