I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize