i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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