Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
