Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
