I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
