somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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