I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
No I am not eating basil off your cock
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
