I cockslap morals
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
