I haven't been this sober since birth.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
