I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
