Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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