And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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