i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
