what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
