I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
