Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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