I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
