if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
