Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
