I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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