I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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