hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
