I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
