Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
