Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize