Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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