i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
