I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
