Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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