I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
