Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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