She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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