hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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