Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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