Define "chronic" masturbator.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
