she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
