he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
