pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
