I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
